


I'll Catch You if You Fall

by Yoh_ii



Series: If My Heart Was a House [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Building Relationship, Durincest, Fluff, In a way, M/M, Oblivious Kíli, Sibling-incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoh_ii/pseuds/Yoh_ii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't short-not exactly, and certainly not by dwarven standards-really, everyone else was just made the wrong size. As far as Fili knew, he was of an average, respectable height. It wasn't his fault that Kili seemed intent on being as tall as their uncle. Sometimes though, he didn't mind it so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Catch You if You Fall

**Author's Note:**

> And hurrah! Finally finished this! I tried going for around 1k, and because I am horrible at endings and never know when to finally end a chapter, it turned into this o.o HUGE (eternal love ♥♥♥) thanks to dicey101 (she writes amazing, you should all go check it out!) for taking this on (without much besides a hastily "anyone wanna beta me? yeh" in tumblr, I'm horrible) and setting my single-minded obsession with dashes and weirdly placed commas straight! I'm sorry for harassing you with e-mails, I'm old and know not the wonders of the interwebs. (Just kidding, I'm not that old.) I just love those little buggers. All other errors are my own. 
> 
> It takes places directly after the first part, hopefully delved a little bit deeper into things? The third part of this should be up in about a week, though I will try my hardest to make it chaptered and evenly paced. Finally the real angst kicks in then.

After resting for the night at the bottom of the Carrock and packing up what was left of their camp, Gandalf made a show of stopping their company to tell them of a "friend" of his. The tone of voice he used when he said the word was tentative at best though, something Fili didn't miss.

Apparently, this man--Beorn--would be willing enough to let the fourteen of them, plus one wizard, stay at his lodgings and give them goods for the road ahead. The wizard insisted that everything had to be played smoothly however, and in the hours that took them to reach the house-- _bless Mahal, did a giant live there?!_ \- it was already night.

He and Kili hadn't really talked the whole way through. They fell asleep leaning against each other, the little scene of the almost whatever that was giving them enough of an awkward pause to leave joking around for another time. The night had been cold--cold enough Fili saw Bilbo being squished in between Bofur and Bombur for warmth despite how _nice_ they all smelled--and he didn't think twice about it before draping an arm over his brother's waist, bringing him in as close as he could. Already asleep and dead to the world, Kili hadn't protested, but burrowed in closer against his side.

There were questions running around Fili's head, of that there was no doubt. He always thought of himself as the big brother who knew everything--or tried to, for Kili's sake--and the recent development between them wasn't something he'd seen coming; even if a more private part of himself insisted he was being deliberately obtuse. Fili had no reason to turn it away though; he'd never been particularly good at denying Kili anything, not since his younger brother learned how to talk and demand more and more from him.

Fili understood they were brothers. Understood and accepted and cherished the very thought. Kili, since he was born, had been Fili's entire world. Maybe it wasn't natural to feel that way about a sibling--like he wanted to, sometimes, drag Kili in for a hug and hold him so tight he'd manage to _crawl inside him_ and stay there forever--but until recently he had no one to compare their relationship with. It wasn't until the brothers Ri joined them that Fili saw that yeah, ok, wanting to literally be everywhere Kili was wasn't the standard.

If there was a feeling prodding him at the back of his mind that he should have more concerns and reservations about something like this, Fili ignored them. It wasn't in his nature to worry endlessly or second guess himself. Besides, there wasn't much he had to worry about. Kili had always been childishly clingy with him. Mahal's sake Kili was already well into his seventies and still crawled into his bedroll whenever he pleased. Their closeness the previous night shouldn't have been or felt that much different.

Still, Fili wasn't an idiot--not by a long shot--and certainly not blind. Kili had wanted to kiss him, of that he was sure. He'd seen the way his brother's eyes kept flickering down to his mouth, their faces inching that much closer with every second. He watched as Kili's eyes closed. Fili didn't even realize he'd placed a tugging hand on the back of his brother's neck before Kili was pulling away when Nori threw the stone at him. The thought that he and Kili could have shared something only lovers did--as in dwarven culture there was no such thing as love or affection casually given--didn't sit as wrong with him as he knew it should.

His thoughts came to an abrupt stop--as did the rest of the company, their somber mood not being helped by the moody weather--and they watched as Gandalf slowly made his way around the huge wooden gate, ushering all fourteen of them in. The house, _or barn?_ , was thankfully empty. Fili could see even Gandalf's usually composed, mystery-wizardy look relax a little at their warm surroundings. It wasn't a luxury inn, but at least it wasn't an open space by the side of the road.

Most of the company settled down as soon as they were all inside and packs were noisily set down, bedrolls littering the floor. Even their usually meticulous burglar was sloppily spreading his sheets, though the dark bags under his eyes explained away his actions.

Their uncle was off to the side, talking in hushed tones with Gandalf, and a drowsy looking Balin. Dwalin was near the door, sitting down on a wooden crate and leaning back against the wall; even though they were inside a building and relatively safe, Dwalin insisted in taking first watch.

With a shrug, Fili turned to his side, mouth already opened to share in his thoughts about Dwalin being one of the biggest mother hens of the group--and how priceless would be Dwalin's face if he heard Fili say that--only to snap it closed when he saw no one was besides him. He felt his heart jump to his throat, head whipping around to find his brother. It was irrational, to have such a deep sated fear of Kili not being by his side. Irrational and terrifying. 

If they had stayed back in Ered Luin with their mother, and not journeyed out into what many called a fool's quest, everything would have been different. The path their relationship was taking wouldn't have been the same. Fili felt shame bubble up inside him at the sense of relief he felt then, at having come. Dragon and all. They could all die, and possibly even lose more than their lives, and yet Fili was glad.

Kili was safe however, as were they all, and was standing with his back to the group, bringing the hearth alive and putting logs in as they slowly burned. He was oddly quiet, something his baby brother didn't often have a fancy for. Fili's instincts were screaming at him that _something was wrong_. He didn't ignore them. It was hard to, noticing the lack of excess energy thrumming beneath Kili's skin, as it often did. The lack of jitters and the tense line of his shoulders set Fili himself on edge.

Looking around, he took notice that the company had split into sections of brothers. He knew that after the past days the dwarrows wanted to settle back into familiarity; he was the same. The itching feeling under his fingertips to walk across the space that separated them and sooth his brother was almost overwhelming.

To one side of the spacious room, Fili could see Dori and Nori fussing over a steadily flushing Ori, patting his head and trying to comb his hair. Two well timed and placed smacks to wandering hands settled that, though not without reproachful looks. He shot them an amused glance, knowing that he probably looked the same as the two elder brothers when he was fussing over Kili.

Bombur, Bofur, and Bifur were a ways away from the Ri brothers, chatting quietly among themselves, setting their bedrolls in a semi-circle. Their talk was mostly in Khuzdul though, and the tired slur beneath their tones made it sound more like growls than actual words. It was oddly cute-something Fili would make sure to never, _ever_ repeat in front of anyone- to see them settling down close together, Bofur actually setting his trademark hat to the side.

Thorin was being forced down into a more comfortable cot, the tiny hands of their hobbit-burglar patting his chest and smiling in his most passive-aggressive way--something that probably infuriated Thorin even more, and Fili suspected that it was exactly the reason why it happened so often. Fili heard the resigned sigh all the way to where he was still standing, and grinned. If his mother ever saw such a scene--Bilbo now tucking in blankets and adjusting the pillow beneath his uncle's head--she would have never let Thorin live it down. Fili will make to tell her in great detail when the occasion presented itself.

The smile quickly faded when he chanced another glance in Kili's direction. The other dwarf was still standing rigidly, as if the calm atmosphere of the room wasn't affecting him at all. Blue eyes narrowing, Fili made his way to his brother, ignoring the various questioning looks thrown his way as he careful sidestepped over everyone's packs, and decidedly glaring over his shoulder at the twice-damned knowing look Nori threw his way.

He wasn't short-not exactly, and certainly not by dwarven standards-really, everyone else was just made the wrong size. As far as Fili knew, he was of an average, respectable height. It wasn't his fault that Kili seemed intent on being as tall as their uncle. Sometimes though, he didn't mind it so much.

And it seemed one of those times was now; as soon as Fili reached his brother-not even a look in his direction from Kili- he knew what he had to do. Kili wasn't talking to him for some reason, and seemed to be avoiding his very presence. That didn't sit very well with Fili; it hadn't when they were both tiny dwarflings and Kili's tantrum would include hours of a cold shoulder, and it certainly wouldn't now.

Fili threw a cautious look over his shoulder (and saw as everyone pretended to be doing something else that didn't involve looking at the two princes) before taking in a deep breath and promptly wrapping both arms around his brother, slowly and carefully, almost afraid of startling the other dwarf as one would do an animal. He pressed them closer together, his chest to Kili's back. Fili could feel the startled, muted jerk of Kili's body before it was once more tense.

"I feel like I need to apologize for some reason, even though I'm not sure what I did wrong," Fili whispered against the back of Kili's neck. Although he was the older brother, Kili had a good three inches on him. He wasn't quite leveled with the back of his brother's head. Instead his nose settled comfortably below Kili's ear. As it was, Fili placed his bearded chin on Kili's shoulder, absentmindedly inhaling the smell of sweat and wet bark that clung to his brother's hair. All of those days sleeping on the ground not only did wonders for their backs, but also their smells. Even then, the scent wasn't repulsing as it would have been on any other dwarf.

His only reply was a muffled snort, although he could feel Kili's body relaxing against his, his shoulders slouching just a bit to become a proper chin rest. Other than that, his little brother didn't answer, his eyes still firmly locked on the burning wood in front of them. Fili felt like a child all over again, the feeling of inadequacy coming over him in sudden and strong waves. His one goal in life--besides their current journey--from the first time he saw the little bundle his mother carried over to him, and presented him as Kili, his brother, was to make Kili happy (and protect him, but he rather not even think about that. Kili would get extra huffy whenever someone mentioned he needed protection of any kind). _He was failing right now._

"You didn't do anything wrong, you nosy dwarf," Kili finally said, the words coming soft and hesitant, as if he'd thought about what to say for long minutes before settling on something. It was so unlike Kili that it just made Fili even more worried. Before he could even begin to try and apologize properly, Kili was speaking again.

"I mean, I know why you're not talking to me, I get that," Kili said in a rush, hands coming up from the clenched position besides him and holding on to Fili's arms around him, "and I understand it, really, I do," he was rambling, and Fili didn't even know what Kili meant, _not talking to him? Wasn't it the other way around?_ , "but you don't have to worry! I'll forget about it, and you'll forget about it-" Fili could feel him shaking against him, little tremors that would have gone unnoticed if he hadn't be as close to his brother as he was.

"-and obviously you'll find someone else, someday, you're the crown prince after all; you need heirs and a lovely dwarrowdam who'll give you plenty of babes," Kili continued, and Fili had about enough as soon as the words ‘someone else’ were spoken. Someone else-someone other than his Kili? His brother, his best friend, his- his what?

_His very breath and reason to draw it in still._

Fili didn’t think about what he was doing- never mind that there were probably at least ten stares directed at them, and that Thorin would probably pull him aside later and chide him for acting like a tween in front of the company. That a prince of Durin should not behave this way and Fili knew Thorin would say it out of habit, having been (and still was) their father figure, used to scolding them whenever they got into trouble. If Thorin ever claimed the gray in his hair was caused by the two of them, Fili and Kili would have no argument against it.

As it stood, however, Fili lifted up on his tip toes, nosed Kili’s hair out of the way- thanking Mahal and every other Valar out there that the younger dwarf had thought enough and removed his heavy outer coat and mail shirt- and _bit_ down on the exposed neck hard enough to silence the rambling (“-I know you don’t like it when I get all needy, and I’m sure your future wife will give you plenty of space because she’ll get to know you _so well Fili_ -“) and make Kili gasp and try to jerk away.

“You son of a-!” he heard Kili curse, a hand coming up to tangle in one of his hair braids and tugging sharply. Fili pulled away at the pulling easily enough, though he tightened his arms around his brother when Kili tried getting away. He tried ignoring the murmuring going on behind them, instead choosing to give all his attention to his struggling baby brother.

“Oh, no you don’t! You don’t get to even be near me after you tried taking a _chunk out of my neck_!” and really, since when was Kili’s voice able to go that high?

“Shut up, Kili,” he said--and whether it was the seriousness in his tone, or the gentle, nuzzling kisses to the blooming bruise on Kili’s neck that followed the words--he felt the younger dwarf almost wilt. Kili’s head finally turned to the side, brown eyes wide and confused and seeking his. Fili met them unflinchingly, not breaking eye contact as he placed one last lingering kiss on the teeth marks. He knew he would feel bad later, when the redness turned purple and marked for days, yet at the same time a wrong thrill of possessiveness also mingled in his mind.

“I didn’t talk to you because you weren’t talking to me,” and how childish did that sound? The narrowing of Kili’s eyes told him his brother was thinking the same, “and not because of anything you did wrong- which you didn’t!” Fili hurried to add when the narrowed look turned threatening and the hand still gripping his hair pulled again.

A muffled snicker behind him made Fili groan, hiding part of his face on his brother’s hair- he knew that voice, and knew that Dwalin will remind him of this to the very day he died and probably come back from the Halls of Waiting just to torment him. He should have at least pulled them a ways away from the rest of the company before biting Kili, not that he’d had any intention of doing it and before he realized his blunt teeth were already biting down.

With a determined and most definitely _not_ embarrassed face, Fili pulled his brother by the hand and towards the door at the back, ignoring the protesting words being mumbled by Kili. If the younger dwarf truly wanted to get away, he would have stood his ground and then not even Fili would have been able to sway him. Yet, the hand in his grasp squeezed his even as Kili continued on his one-man tirade.

“-ave orc blood in you maybe? I mean, you’re ugly enough to be confused with one anyways- maybe that’s why you bite like one-?”

Fili muffled the rest of the words with his hand, leaning back against the closed door behind them. Any other day-or night as it were the case- Fili would have admired the scenery, taking in the greener than should be possible grass, the numerous beds of different flowers; even the alarmingly big insects and trees around them. As a dwarf and Mahal’s creation, they were attracted to solid gems, and precious stones; yet nothing at the moment--not the meadow that looked straight out of tales and not the so-told beauty of the heart of the mountain--could compare to the way Kili seemed to shine in the moonlight.

If Fili had a chance to backtrack, to think what he was doing through before saying anything he might come to regret- it was lost to him now as he was lost in his brother gaze. He was definitely sure that his heart wasn’t _supposed_ to be trying to beat its way out of his chest.

“-Fili?” Kili waved a hand in front of his face, snapping him back to the now and the fact that his hand had slid from covering his brother’s mouth to cradling his stubbled jaw, his thumb moving in soft circles below Kili’s ear in an imitation of what Kili had done to him just the night before.

“Huh?”

“I never thought I’d see the day you would actually be speechless, Fili,” Kili laughed--a quieter sound than his normal belly-deep laugh--though his brown eyes were soft, not a hint of mocking in them.

He realized that it didn’t feel weird--as he knew it should have--because this was Kili. The one who understood and knew him almost as much as Fili knew himself. They could communicate with just looking at each other, and yet the obvious signs were apparently the hardest to get. How could he not have noticed the way Kili would always look at him whenever he laughed? Or the way he would gravitate towards Kili whenever they were separated for more than a handful of hours?

The way his heart had stopped and his stomach had gone cold and the very center of his being had screamed out at the Misty Mountain’s pass when the rock had split. Dwarrows were not cowards by nature--as solid as the rock Mahal himself carved them out of--but Fili had never felt more afraid in his life than at that horrible moment. The thought of losing Kili was more terrifying than the world itself coming to its fateful end.

“You’re beautiful,” the words startled him out of his thoughts, Fili’s blue eyes hurriedly coming back to meet Kili’s. The younger dwarf stared back without so much as a hint of embarrassment. And without so much as a _‘by your leave Fili, since you are the oldest and all’_ , Kili was leaning forward, hands coming up to cup Fili’s cheek. Time seemed to slow down as Kili’s face drew in closer to his-- Fili might have pouted just a tiny bit at the fact that his _younger_ brother had to lean _down_ \--and their lips were just brushing together-

“Holy Father of the Valar- _IS THAT A BEAR_?!”

**Author's Note:**

> This was loosely based on a tumblr prompt about A hugging B from behind, giving them nuzzles and kisses and talking as casually as ever. Obviously, it took a weird turn hah


End file.
